Communication is the top skill all executive directors need to develop and continually work to improve. How do you rate your skill in that area? In what one quality do you attribute your skill in that area?
As I reflect back on my development of communication skills, a few thoughts come to mind.
As a young leader, I thought it was most important to communicate my vision, my story, my passion for our mission. I learned that passion is everything, be enthusiastic and share the message!! As I grew into leadership, I started understanding that listening my way into a shared vision and mission was the most important tool. As a younger development officer, I approached a donor with a great project that I was sure he would like and fund. I prepared and enthusiastically presented. He said yes! Score. Yet something inside me realized I missed the mark. Puzzled, I started asking him questions and really listened to try to figure out why I felt I missed something with such a quick yes. I listened my way to a gift that was three times larger than my presentation. That was a huge eye opener for me in communication. I had assumed I knew him. I had failed to really listen from a neutral standpoint.
Developing the listening end of the communication skillset is still a work in progress and will probably be for the rest of my life. I still find myself listening to formulate an answer. Thinking that I need to be on my toes and give a quality answer, means that I miss half of the conversation. I see it all the time in leaders. They want everyone to know they have the answer and the vision.
Listening to answer is seen in your eyes.
Focus on the current conversation and think before speaking. Watch as you talk to your staff. Ask questions or give them a thought, watch the eye contact and see how well they listen. As I experimented, I was amazed at how much that shows up in their eyes. Try it!!
Listening your way is also important in becoming a quality mentor. As a new leader, I gave an evaluation to a development officer. I was way to blunt and sharp with her and immediately she became very defensive. I believed in her ability yet knew she had to move beyond a few really bad habits to become fully effective. Boy did I mess up in that evaluation. I talked and “evaluated” versus asking and listening my way to coaching her. The intent in my communication during her evaluation was missed by a mile. Had I asked more questions, listened more and communicated at a deeper level; it would have ended differently. I could have empowered her more and built a stronger employee versus a defensive one.
I learned that listening with good eye contact helps in keeping my brain from jumping ahead. I focus on what their eyes are telling me as well as their mouths. Then I watch the body language as I speak. These visual tools help me in communicating effectively. People like and respect being heard! For me, good communication is a work in progress and I find that true for many of the executive directors and development officers I coach. During my years of coaching I have witnessed great progress once it is practiced, as I hope you as a reader will too.
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